Expansion

Expanding on my previous (and rather disorganized) thoughts:

I had some bad problems with the last show I worked on. First of all, I should have had a clue when I was brought on to conduct only and not run all the music. This coupled with the fact that the show was obviously a throwback to the "glory days" with its director and design.

I came in a few times early in the process on behest of the producer - first to fill in when the vocal coordinator wasn't around, and later because the producer wanted a smooth transition, so that the cast could get used to working with me. That ended up not working out because the VC got down right catty - and frankly made the atmosphere unpleasant for me to be around. So, after a long discussion with the producer - it was decided that I would lay low until the move into the theatre, where I would take over.

So we moved into the theatre, and of course - once again, the expectation of construction fell on me and the tech director for the theatre (who isn't actually obligated to help us). It was a fairly easy build (all things considered) - but it was still lengthy (roughly a 35-40 hr build), and it just was really disheartening.

On top of this - my relationship with both the director and the vocal coordinator was deteriorating. After being chastised for several things that I had no control over - the director frankly stopped being civil the second weekend; he would make comments about me behind my back to people - some without realizing that I was actually in earshot.

I've glossed over a lot, because I really don't need to get into it here. But this has really brought some issues to the forefront (once again).

Right now, I just don't want to do this anymore. I have a show starting in a week that I'm committed to that I have zero desire for. The cast looks good, and they're a really close bunch. But the last show was so acidic in my mind that the excitement and desire just isn't there.

Connected to this (surprise, surprise - John's having an existential crisis) is that I really am starting to believe that I have some friend issues. I've been finding that more and more my friends are falling into the "theatre" friend category - it seems like whenever we talk, we only talk about productions or shows or properties. Once that runs out - we don't talk. I see other people getting together for lunches, dinners, movies - whatever. So, its becoming clearer to me that they are good people - but I either don''t fit in, or there is just not room for me.

I'm sure, as usual - I'll be told I'm crazy and that there isn't a problem. And maybe there isn't - but why do I feel so down about it?